Youth Alive 2008

yay! everybody come.!

(even though its like in the middle of my prelims and everything)

Biology Funtimes.

It was a long day..

Biology my way..

Disconnected

I feel really disconnect from God. My bible’s gone dusty, my prayers have become a jumbled sentence I mumble just before I sleep, I’ve become disconnected. I know I can’t get through this on my own, it’s been frustrating lately. I’m frustrated to bits. I’m tired, I’m sad, I’m just going about day to day life in a daze, frustrated with everything.

But, it just feels like its too much trouble to keep on keeping up with God.

I need to find my way back, and stop being so blind and deaf to the fact that God’s standing right there, he’s just waiting for me to open up and give it all to him. He already knows it all, he already knows how it’s going to turn out. The prayers I say isn’t for him, it’s for me. It’s a constant reminder to me that God’s still there. Cause I am an imperfect human being. Sometimes I feel like I’m too late, but I know it’s stupid.

He knows what I’m thinking, he knows what I’m going to think. He knows the my thoughts even before I think them. Why am I finding it so hard to trust? I don’t understand.

Shrouded Bones

Fabrication of stories
Tattered masks of disguise
All the feigned glories
Deceit and all those lies

Ensconced horror skeletons
Behind closed cupboard doors
Concealing hidden guns
Hiding frightful internal wars

Dirty little secrets hidden
Put forth an unshakable guise
Showing is forbidden
So profound is our disguise

Petrified to show forever
The ugliness behind
All the little things we never
Want others to find

Buried under all the bones
Obscure from all prying eyes
Throwing away the sticks and stones
The hidden secret stories of you and I

-Kaylin

The secret to happiness

This has been haunting generations before us, and will continue to haunt generations ahead of us (assuming we all don’t die of global warming/pollution/etc. ) So what exactly is it? Today I spent my day wondering (my prelims are over) about very absurd things, and this question popped up.

Right now, it’s like.. hmm.. I want that new whatever, and I’ll be happy. I want a big house, a big car, lots and lots and lots f money. But do you realise that the more you have the more you want? It’s like you have this, and when you do, you “upgrade” and want more. And that you’ll never ever be fulfilled and you’ll never be satisfied. It’s like first you earn this much, and you want more, and you want more and you want even more. The more you have, the more you want, and you’ll never be satisfied.

Do you realise that.. rich people never seem to be happy? Look at those celebrities, their faces are plastered everywhere, they have the coolest houses, the coolest cars, the coolest gadgets, the coolest clothes, the coolest “friends”, the coolest everything. They have the money, the fame, the influence, the power. But they’re the ones dying of drug overdose, they’re the ones going mad (not that everday commonplace people dont do drugs but ya).

So if fame, money, status, power, influence, material posessions, all the things we strive so hard for, isn’t going to make you happy. Then. What is? Is it the relationships? Is it friends? Is it warmth, love, laughter, is that what’s going to make you happy? But how do you know who you can trust? How do you know if they really actually totally care?

And you can’t live off relationships alone. You can’t live off the goodness of people. I dont think you’ll be very happy if you had to eat off your neighbour. Your neighbour wouldn’t like you very much anyway.

So.. Is happiness a balance between those things? But how do you know if you struck the balance? How do you know how much is enough? You can’t have everything.

Or could it all just boil down to you and me? And our prespectives towards life? If you choose to be happy and be satisifed with this. You choose to love and to accept. You choose to smile. Will you be happy? Even if you don’t like the situation you’re in, you just tell yourself to love it anyway. Is happiness a choice?

it’s over!

IT’S OVER!

The first one’s down.
next comes the second epic battle.. and the epic finale!
in the forms of prelim two and the O Levels. :/

Mobile Prayers.

WHEE. I want to thank all those people who said such sweet prayers for me. Really. It’s really super nice of you guys. It feels great when I click on my phone, to open an sms, and inside in a reallly sweet prayer. YAY! So thank you loads!

Thank you for taking the time to pray for me. : D

(ARGH! Tomorrow’s my physics prelims! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :/)

There’s so many questions

There’s so many questions, many that will never be answered. I’ve got so many questions, I got questions about the world, I’ve got questions about God, I’ve got questions about people, I’ve got questions to people, I’ve got questions about my place. I’ve got so many questions, and I’m just always here, I’m just always here wondering. I’ve been wondering for so long, and I’m still wondering. I’m just sitting here questioning and questioning but I’m not getting any answers. What do you want with me God? Do I just sit here and wait for you to tell me? Or do I do what I think is right? Or what? And for some people. Where’s my place? What am I to you? and so much more. And I just don’t know where to start and what to do. I feel stranded.

3 cheers for 4H

You guys rock my world : D

the lazy fatass again

Arghhhh. I’m trying!!!!! But it doesn’t work. All I do is sit around and stone when the thought of work comes to my mind. And now I’m just stoning in front of the computer and watching the hours disappear.

I’m finding it so hard to be motivated. But when I’m trying so hard, I think “so what?!” At the end of this long long day, it’ll all be the same and I’ll just go back to where it all begins.

I remember anticipating this time last year. I remember thinking how hard I was going to study and how well i wanted to do. But it all disappeared when this year came. I thought about how motivated I would be. But so far. I haven’t felt it yet. Last year, a fresh new class, fresh new subjects and a whole new goal: o levels. I was excited and motivated. I worked hard and got the grades that i wanted, not the best grades, but grades good enough for me to feel happy about.

And now, if I get those grades, it doesn’t matter anymore. The grades have lost its fulfillment. I don’t feel accomplished. I don’t feel like I’ve done something that mattered. I don’t feel like I’ve done something worth my time. Not anymore.

So here I am, typing out this long post about how I don’t want to study. When every sane O level student is at least trying to complete his or her overdue holiday homework over the weekends (and the better ones who have already completed their revision.) and I don’t care.